What If We Were Never Meant to Be Tamed?

Aug 14

Written By Danielle Gaebel

“Curly hair don't care! Curly hair don't care!”

My almost-four-year-old niece and I shake our heads side to side, letting our curls fly everywhere.

She thinks we're being silly.

And we are.

But for me, there's something more underneath it.

When I was a kid, my hair was a problem.

Too curly. Too tight. Too much.

A nuisance. Something the adults around me had to manage and tame.

So there's something that makes my heart smile when she wildly shakes her curls without one ounce of concern about whether they're neat, controlled, or "right."

She doesn't think there's anything wrong with them.

And I hope she never does.

I share this because somewhere along the way, so many of us learn that the parts of us that are unruly, inconvenient, different, or simply too much need to be tamed.

"Curly hair don't care" is silly and playful — but underneath it is something I hope she carries with her:

You don't have to tame yourself to belong.

As I've been preparing to bring a Wild Woman JourneyDance® to the Wild Women NEPA Festival next Saturday, August 22, I've been sitting with this question:

What does it actually mean to be a Wild Woman?

Sure... we've all been sold an image of the Wild Woman.

Wild hair. Bare feet. Dancing and howling under the moon.

Beautiful? Absolutely.

But that's not the wildness I'm talking about.

And the more I've sat with this theme, the more I've realized:

Wildness has very little to do with how a woman looks or behaves.

Maybe the wildest thing we can do as women is embody who we actually are.

Not the woman we were told to be.

Not the woman we've learned other people are most comfortable with.

The woman we know ourselves to be.

Before we learned to tame ourselves.

To quiet ourselves.

Make ourselves prettier.

Smaller.

More acceptable.

Because we start learning who we're “supposed” to be pretty damn young.

I know I did.

I was praised for being mature. For being ahead of my time. For growing up fast.

And listen, I've done this with my own daughter, too.

She's 25 now.

I was 21 when I had her, and when I look back at the mother I was then, there is so much I wish I could go back and do differently.

I was raising her from everything I knew then — not everything I know now.

And one of the things I see differently now is how early we begin teaching girls what it means to be “good.”

We praise girls for being helpful. Caring. Responsible. Mature.

None of those things are bad.

But what happens when being “good” starts to mean being agreeable? Easy? Putting everyone else's feelings and needs before our own?

As young girls, some of us were even made to apologize for things we didn't understand just to protect the feelings of adults.

Wild, right?!

And then we grow up...

and wonder why it's so damn hard to hear ourselves.

Why YES comes flying out of our mouths before we've even had a chance to ask ourselves if the answer is actually NO.

I know that one well.

There have been so many times when something inside me was saying:

No, I don't want to do that.

No, that doesn't feel good.

No, this isn't right for me.

But I didn't even give myself enough time to hear it.

I said yes.

I've swallowed words.

Held back opinions.

Ignored what my body was telling me.

Made myself smaller.

Overridden myself more times than I can count.

Do I still catch myself doing it?

Occasionally.

But not in the way I used to.

Because I've worked really, really hard to change that.

To pause before the automatic yes.

To listen to what my body is telling me.

To trust what I know.

To let NO be a complete answer.

What used to feel like a 10 in my life is probably a 2 now.

Not because I became some perfectly boundaried woman who never overrides herself.

Because I practiced coming back to myself.

Again and again.

And again.

And THAT is what being a Wild Woman means to me.

Reclamation.

Reclaiming our bodies.
Our voices.
Our pleasure.
Boundaries.
Instincts.
Inner wisdom.
Freedom.

Our right to decide what a full, rich, alive life looks like for us.

And reclamation is going to look different for every woman.

Your Wild Woman might dance barefoot under the moon.

Or she might quietly say, “No, that doesn't work for me.”

She might rest when everyone expects her to keep going.

Speak the words she's been swallowing.

Wear the damn thing.

Start the thing.

Leave the thing.

Want more.

Want less.

Change her mind.

Let herself be seen.

Because there isn't one way to be wild.

And there isn't one way to be a woman.

For me, being a Wild Woman isn't about becoming someone else. It's about fully embodying the woman I already am.

The woman beneath the labels.
Stories.
Roles.
Expectations.

The woman who knows what she needs, what she wants, what feels true — and what doesn't.

The woman who...

Listens to her body.

Trusts her inner wisdom.

Speaks her truth.

And follows what makes her feel alive.

The woman who gives herself permission to be more and more of who she already is — and has been all along.

And as I've been creating this JourneyDance, I realized I don't want the exploration to end on August 22.

Because I know not everyone can join me in Northeast PA.

So when Brave Women returns online on September 5, we'll continue exploring this theme together — this time through JourneyDance + Yoga Nidra.

Our theme will be Awakening the Wild Woman Within — an evening where we'll move, breathe, sound, listen, soften into deep rest, and explore what your wildness looks and feels like.

Not mine.

Not someone else's.

Not some image of what a Wild Woman is “supposed” to be.

Yours.

Because I don't believe your Wild Woman ever disappeared.

She's been there all along.

Under the shoulds.

Under the expectations.

Under all the ways you've learned to override yourself.

Maybe it's time to reawaken that energy within you — and let it move 💜

❥ Danielle