The Things We Inherit Without Realizing It
This summer, my sister, brother-in-law, and the kids were visiting, and I had planned to make London broil for dinner.
Except it was raining.
Not just raining. Lightning.
And I was like, obviously I'm not standing outside at the grill in the rain and lightning making a London broil.
So I made something else.
At no point did it occur to me that there might be another way to cook the London broil.
Not once.
London broil = grill.
That's how you make it.
The next morning, I was at the farmers market talking to the farmer we buy our grass-fed beef from.
I told him I'd planned to make his London broil the night before, but the weather ruined my plans.
He looked at me and said, “What do you mean?”
"What do you mean, what do I mean? It was raining. Lightning. I couldn't grill it."
He looked genuinely confused.
“You grill London broil?”
"Um. YES. How do YOU cook it?"
“In the oven.”
"COME ON."
This man had never heard of grilling a London broil.
I had never heard of NOT grilling one.
I'm 46 years old.
I've been making London broil for more than 20 years — and apparently, there was a whole other option
Here's the funny part.
Nobody ever told me London broil HAD to be grilled.
I just grew up watching it be made that way.
My grandmother was a great cook, and London broil was one of the meals she made.
Salt. Pepper. Garlic powder. Onion powder.
My grandfather grilled it.
Medium rare.
Delicious.
Then I grew up, left home, started cooking for myself and my own family and...
I grilled the London broil.
Because that's how you make London broil.
Except it isn't.
That's how WE made London broil.
And I've been thinking about that distinction ever since.
Because how many things in our lives are like that?
Things we didn't exactly choose.
Things nobody necessarily sat us down and explicitly taught us.
Things we observed.
Absorbed.
Inherited.
Until, eventually, one way of doing something becomes simply the way things are done.
Sometimes those inherited patterns are helpful.
I grew up with a grandmother who was strong-willed, opinionated, and very much the decision-maker in her household.
I had an example of a woman who had a voice and used it.
I'm grateful I inherited some of that.
And then there were other messages I inherited.
We don't air our dirty laundry.
We don't talk about what happens in this family.
Money doesn't grow on trees.
Responsibility? Sure.
Maybe a little scarcity mixed in there, too.
That's the thing.
I'm not interested in labeling everything we inherit as good or bad.
I'm much more interested in getting curious about it.
Where did I learn this?
Is it helpful to me?
Do I still want it?
What might I choose if I knew I had another option?
And maybe before all of those:
Did I even know I had a choice?
Because here's what gets me about the London broil.
That night, I didn't choose grilling over cooking it in the oven.
I didn't weigh my options and decide the grill was superior.
In my head, there was no other option.
It was raining, and there was lightning, so I changed the entire dinner.
How many times had I done that over the years?
I have no idea.
And how many times do we do some version of that in the rest of our lives?
We keep doing something the way we've always done it.
Thinking something the way we've always thought it.
Responding the way people in our family responded.
Following an instruction nobody actually gave us.
Not because we've consciously chosen it.
Because we don't realize we're choosing at all.
And maybe awareness isn't always about discovering what's wrong with us.
Sometimes awareness is simply the moment we realize:
Oh.
I didn't know there was another way.
For the record, I've now made London broil in the oven twice.
I season it.
Sear it on the stovetop.
Stick it in the oven for about 10 minutes.
And both times, I was shocked by how good it was.
Will I still grill London broil?
Maybe. But I REALLY like the new method lol.
But grilling it was never the problem.
Thinking it was the only way was.
So here's something to get curious about this week:
What's your London broil?
What's something you do, believe, expect, or assume simply because that's how it was done around you?
Maybe you want to keep it.
Maybe you don't.
Maybe you just haven't realized yet that there's another way.
That's the Superfine Way 💜
— Danielle
P.S. This email is part of The Superfine Way series — reflections on the patterns we carry, the things we’re learning (and unlearning), and what it can look like to move through life with a little more awareness, curiosity, and choice.
If this one made you think, Well shit... what else am I doing just because that’s how I learned to do it? — you’ll probably like the rest of the series, too.
→ Read more from The Superfine Way here.
THIS WEEK AT SUPERFINE SYNERGY
If you want a little space to get out of the day-to-day and spend some time listening, feeling, and getting curious, we have two opportunities to gather and move together this week.
Tuesday, October 20: Kundalini Dance — Crown Chakra
7-8:15pm ET • Online • $20
Explore the Crown Chakra through Kundalini Dance as we journey into voice, connection, and surrender.
Through breath, movement, mantra, and dance, we’ll create space to quiet the noise, connect with something greater than ourselves, and practice softening our grip on what we cannot control.
Thursday, October 22: JourneyDance® — Move to Feel. Move to Heal.
7-8:15pm ET • Online • $20
What if you didn’t have to figure everything out with your head?
Through music, breath, and free-form movement, JourneyDance invites you to come into your body and explore what’s present — without needing to analyze it, explain it, or make it mean something.
Come as you are. Move what wants to move. Feel what wants to be felt.
No dance experience necessary. All bodies welcome.
If you can’t make it live, you’ll receive the replay and playlist.
Membership is $35/month and includes this class and all upcoming classes.
If cost is the only thing stopping you, use code SISTER50 for 50% off or apply for a gifted membership. No questions asked. We take care of each other here.
This reflection was originally shared with our email community.
Join us for an upcoming class or event.
